Sickening Piles

Piles, known as Haemorroids in medical terms, a tiny part of my body which I had removed this morning. Uncomfortable ordeal. This feeling that you have to purge, yet must "loon", cannot go, cannot strain. "Loon" till hairs kept standing up, legs went jelly, and lost all ability to concentrate. And this went on for 5 hours. Boy, I'm so glad that I have survived those horrible hours finally. Just need to wait for the irritaing piece of flesh to detach itself now. :)

Anyway, am back in Singapore now, enjoying myself in the humid heat of the island and the comfort of home. Busy meeting friends for the past few days that we barely slept. Feels really good to catch up with them. Didn't realise how much I have missed them till we met. And didn't realise we have so little time. Was looking at our schedule, we will be meeting up with each group of friends only once, unless lucky, we might get to meet up with the same friends twice. So I must cherish each and every meeting, as the next time we meet will be next year liao... :(

Shan't write much, have to eat dinner soon. Mummy's cooking.. which I miss. ;p

Japanese Laptop

Yea yeah... I know the previous post was supposed to be the conclusion for year 2007. But then, I'm rather free now, at the hotel in Tokyo waiting for my laundry to be done. And also, I've received email from my mentor. Very happy to hear from him (was worried earlier that I won't be hearing from him anymore), so I just have to post this down... :)

As for Jeff, I'm still trying to find his contact... hopefully able to locate him before the end of this year..

This Japanese laptop a bit difficult to use. The keys are all over the place, and if I accidentally hit the CAPS key, it will turn into Japanese characters. And dunno why, the "copy & paste" function will automatically turn on by itself, and does its work every now and then. So if you see a repeating sentence somewhere, it's the laptop's work. ;p

Today has been as tiring as yesterday, still feeling the jet lag. Glad to be back in the hotel now resting our feet. We will be travelling down south to Hakone tomorrow. Looking forward to the hotsprings and sumptous feast... yummy... Talking about food, we ate 4 meals today in total.. haha.. just can't get enough of the food after 9 months of "asian food celibacy"... ;p

Sighh... will keep this post short before I start banging on the keyboard.. this laptop is really pissing me off...

Till next post then... ja ne..

Closing

Decided to push in another post for the year 2007. This will most likely act as the closing/ summary for this year as we will be flying back to Home Sweet Home this coming Wednesday.

Well, feeling very excited needless to say.. but there is this nudging feeling that I feel every year around this time.. it's the time of the year where you ask yourself "what have I accomplished this year?"

So what have I accomplished this year? I think the most "spectacular" thing would be I have learned how to cook - a task which seemed formidable 9 months ago. Now I am proud to say that at least it's no problem to whip up a few dishes. I am assured now that if I have kids next time, I can be a Mum who can cook, just like our mothers.. :)

Ermm... what else shall I write? How did I pass my time here in Saint Louis? Nah.. maybe next time.. haha.. Just too lazy to type all that stuff out now...

Okie, a closing for the year 2007. It has been an enjoyable year for me. Never imagined that I will be able to spend these months away from home and in a country I thought I will only be able to visit when I'm in my 50s.. It can be considered a fruitful and valuable experience, though it does have its downs when I get depressed thinking of how my peers have progressed and I have not.. and the thought that I am not doing anything constructive. It has been hard, but I try to tell myself that, to a woman, the ultimate career is the Family. So I am going to work hard to build my core career now. Up There gave me the time now to do this, so this is the time that I am supposed to be working on my family, and I'm going to make sure I do it well. By the time I return home, I believe Up There will have a path for me to follow.. there will be another career for me to carve, and then I'll do what I am suppose to do then. Right now, I'm just going to excel in my family career! :) So this is the valuable lesson I have learned. There is always a reason for every happening in our lives. Seek and understand that reason, you feel happier and lighter.

Lastly, these past few months have really given me a fair amount of time to think and reflect upon myself and past actions and behaviours.

And it was only recently that I realised what an ungrateful brat I have been towards my mentor at work. Long story, but then I now know how easy it is to be sucked into a working culture and not see one's true self. It is easy to lose your way and forget who you really are. I had been lost for 20 months, swirling in a pool of venom, and biting the hand that fed me. And I am angry at myself that it took me so long to realise what a poor person I have been towards my mentor. How could I have forgotten all the help given? How could I have forgotten the kindness shown? And how could I have been so blind and thick-in-the head that I did not realise that the last meeting we had, he actually was hoping to clear up the air between us? I did not realise until now... and he must have thought what a lousy person I am.. and I am.. sighh... I now understand why he always say I'm not matured enough. I am not matured enough to draw the line between work and life. Not matured enough to deal with the negative energies flowing around the workplace. Not matured enough to differentiate between good and bad. And so-not-matured enough to let the surroundings influence me and my judgement, and that's why I lost myself. I treated my mentor like a foe. How foolish and ungrateful!! I really look down on myself whenever I think of this incident.. sighh... I just hope that now that I see the light, I will be able to pull myself out of any surroundings at the end of the day, go back to the original point and be myself. That is the only way to see clearly and not be blinded or influenced by external factors. (I know monks do this by meditating) Don't think it will be an easy feat, but I'm going to try. :)

Another person whom I felt I have treated badly is Jeff. This happened in 1999. We were still in Uni. Jeff was a first year who broke his leg before the school started. I remembered his mum accompanied him to UK, and I (being the Singapore Committee member) have been assigned to bring him to his class. I was rushing for my own class then. And so gan cheong was I that I walked at such a fast pace that Jeff could barely keep up on his crutches. Yes he was on crutches!! And now I remembered I actually suggested walking up the stairs when I found that waiting for the lift takes too long. What an insensitive bitch I am now that I think of it. Absolutely abhor myself to the nth degree!! And Jeff and his mum were too polite to suggest otherwise. Come to think of it, if I were Jeff or his mum, I probably would have told me off. I was really a downright insensitive ass. And like the previous case, I realised this only 2 years back!! I feel so ashamed of myself...

So for the closing of year 2007, I hope I can apologise to these 2 persons. Doesn't matter whether forgiveness is granted. Just want to let them know that I have realised what a lousy person I have been to them and am truly sorry for my behaviour. I hope we are still friends.

So that's the conclusion.. I hope to be a better person in 2008. And I hope I can speed up the process of my reflection and not realise my mistakes only years later. And lastly I hope everyone I love and care about (and of course those who loves and cares about me too) stays healthy and happy always.

Merry Christmas and Happy Happy New Year to all!!!

A Day Before the Exams

Time now 1700 Hr, Sunday 11 Nov 2007 - the eve of my 6th paper. The one I've been dreading. Very sure that I haven't studied everything yet already too saturated with information. I'm dead meat this time!!! Sighh...

Not sure if it is also PMS. Feeling restless, a bit depressed, unmotivated!! HELP!!! Or could it be an overdose of carbo? Argh... I seriously regretted gulping down that 3 pieces of pizza in the afternoon. Now I have one more thing to worry -- the numbers on the weighing scale. Will it increase again when I step onto it tomorrow morning? Looks like I'll have to skip dinner to compensate for the overindulgence...

Okie, Yoongie is back from his walk... Have to cook dinner now.. What's for dinner?

Set Dinner Menu for Today

Sides
Rice

Entrees
Steamed Minced with Egg
Crispy Baby Squids
Boiled Iceberg Lettuce with Oyster Sauce

Beverage
Tea - Refillable

Desserts
Dierberg's Waffles with 2 scoops of Blue Bunny French Vanilla Ice-cream

Sounds okie??

title-less

My oh my... I didn't realize I have not been writing for so long till logged in. The last post was in July...

Have been busy preparing for my exams last few weeks. Finally done with the 4th paper on Fri. Not wanting to let myself lax too much, I enrolled for the next 4 papers which I have to complete before flying back to Singapore in December. I am now wondering if I'm biting off more than I can chew and burning a damn big hole in my pocket. A rash decision I've made.

Anyway, just an update on the weather here. It's Fall now. Weather is turning cold. Funny thing the weather here. One minute it was scorching hot. So hot that I got a bad sunburnt 2 weeks ago. Then suddenly one day we woke up to find that it's cold outside. Sighh.. unpredictable is really the word.

We'll be choosing our HDB flat soon on Tuesday, after all these years of balloting and tens of dollars of application fees. Keeping my fingers crossed that there will be some good units to choose from.

I don't want to go into details about our previous application, which I was really Tu-Lan of. My favorite show starting in a few mins so am going to type as fast as I can now. Ha!! Will leave that story to my next post.

Okie.. show starting already..

A brief one..

Actually nothing much to update la... just trying to type something out of nothing for the sake of it.. haha..

It has been a "quick" month... passing by without me noticing it. I'm glad it's going to be August soon. I'm looking forward to my Japan trip and of course HOME TRIP! Miss my family and dog so much, and my laksa... missing Singapore stuff so much that I go goo-goo-ga whenever I see a product of Singapore... just over the past 2 weeks and weekends, we actually bought the "Singapore Swordfish". Not too bad, taste quite fresh when we had it steamed. At least I feel safe to be eating something from home. Have been avoiding products from China with the recent spate of reports on how unsafe their seafood are. And we also borrowed the DVD of "The Maid". Ermm... it's kinda spooky. Might take me a couple of month or years to really shake off the images from the show. But somehow, it feels good that we can relate to the show, all the customs and beliefs that we have. Come to think of it, the Seventh Month is nearing again. Not sure if there are gates of hell here in America. Anyway, will try not to stay out too late. Better to be safe.

Got to know from Ma that Wangwang's number came out again 2 weeks in a row... this has been the umpteenth time his number came out just this year alone. It has been a good choice of name afterall... hehe.. Ma said Pa "ate" up the $100 stake I sent to him. If not, I would have made quite a hefty sum of winnings.

Okie. Think that's about all. Having a bad tummy. Need to go do my business... ;p

The Canyon

Got back from the trip on Monday. Actually planned to do a daily update during the trip. But tiredness and laziness got me over.

It has been a great vacation in all, except our flight got cancelled on the day we were supposed to fly in to Las Vegas. The pilot resigned!! Ha.. Not sure if we count that as lucky. Somehow, we would rather that he resigned than to fly the plane unwillingly. I mean who knows what he will do out of reluctance right?! Have always been afraid of taking small planes anyway, especially when I know the planes are of retirement age. I prayed through the whole flight, bugging Yoong each time I heard the engine went louder or softer. Yeah, I'm paranoia. Anyway with a bit of hassle and de-tour, we managed to arrive at LV safe and sound.

Las Vegas is amazingly hot. Temperature ranging around 40 degrees C in summer (which is now!). Never expect the air to be so suffocating. LV is basically a desert lit up by lights. The hotels along the Strip are beautiful, each offering a unique theme. Didn't have time to explore the whole of LV. Just managed to catch a few of the hotel shows and the Mamma Mia musical. Oh, we got to know that late this month, Sammi Cheng is going to perform at one of the hotels there too. If it's Lee Hom, I'll sure go. Haha..

The Grand Canyon is in Arizona, which is a desert area as well. Therefore we drove from one desert to another. ;p A 5 hour journey. Not much of a scenery therefore made the ride boring. A big contrast between NZ where everywhere is a beautiful sight. We went "Ooh Ahh.." along the way in NZ. But here, basically it's just... desert. *yawn*

But the view at the Canyon is beyond words. It's just awesome!! Countless of millions of years back, the sea was at the level where we were standing (over 4000 ft above the current sea level). There were residue of sharks and squids found on the rocks there. And we learned that the great sculptor which made the canyon the way it is now is none other than the Colorado River, which is still continuously doing its work on the canyon...

Very fortunately for us, we got to see both the sun set and the moon rise at the same time. To our right, the sun was there giving the canyon and the nearby skies different shades of red and orange. To our left, the full moon rose over the plateau of the canyon. I've never seen the moon so big and near before. It's as if we were closer to heaven. It's a superb wonderful feeling!

In all, throughout the whole trip, be it the heat of LV; the vastness of the Canyon; strength of the "mild-looking" Colorado River; or witnessing of the exchange of day and night, I can't help but to admit that Nature is indeed the most beautiful and powerful.

Favourite Pic

Spent the whole day trying to beautify my Friendster account. Managed to add a slideshow and some music to it. Quite amazed by myself.. haha.. always thought I could never do such "high-tech" stuff.

Anyway, found 2 photos which I really like, starring my cousins and my rose. The more I look at them, the happier I get. So decided to share them with friends like you who reads my blog. Hope they make you happy as well.

Have a good good week ahead!!

National Service

Was reading Beng's blog on the NS guys and young police officers. Reminded me of an experience I had with an NS guy couple of years back. No no.. it wasn't some lovey dopey thing.. it was very much the opposite..

I was waiting for the bus at the interchange outside Seletar Camp in the morning. The sun was glaring as usual. There were no seats at the bus stop so I had to stand. Had been waiting for quite some time before I turned to glance around the bus stop to "check out" the people. I do that out of boredom all the time.. people-looking. It was then that I noticed this guy in army uniform sitting in a crouching position on the seat behind me. It did not take me long to realise that he was in fact sitting in the "shade" of my shadow!

I was flabbergasted. I was stunned for moments. Then a feeling of nausea just overcame me. The act of that guy made me so physically sick with disgust.

How could a soldier, supposedly to protect the women and children and the nation, hide behind me - a woman, and from of all things, the sun??!!!

I was not offended that he took me as a shade becos probably I'm big. I'm more angry over the fact that a person with duties and responsibilities toward the country actually cannot even stand such mere heat and have to seek "protection & shelter" from the people they are suppose to protect. How unbelievable! I only see cowardice in him. I'd probably take it better if he is a fragile-looking, bespectacled office worker (you know, the typical nerd look). But what I saw was a muscled, toned young man in his uniform. I couldn't believe my eyes and so I stared at him. And he did look sheepish, which confirmed my suspicion. He was indeed taking shade behind me. I shifted away almost immediately. He had the better sense not to follow suit as I would have smacked him on the head & lectured him if he did. Believe me, the urge to knock some sense into him was almost unbearable already.

I'm not going to stereotype all NS guys just becos of one incident like that. But seriously, I think people in uniform have to give more thought to their actions and behaviour as there is an image they have to uphold. If this is the image they are going to portray, then how can the public get confidence and assurance that we can sleep peacefully at night (recall the police advert) ?

36 degrees

Weather has turned warm - extremely warm. It is averaging at about 36 degree C nowadays. With low humidity, the air is just like that of an oven. A huge turnoff for any intended outing. I would rather laze in my couch with the AC full blast. Needless to say, we spent the weekend relaxing at home, surfing net, watching tv programs after programs. Total relaxation of the MBS (okie okie, that stands for mind, body and soul.)

"Socializing can be tiring as well" - that was what my doctor used to tell me.

Hmmm... uneventful past week. Not much worth mentioning except that I came across this Chinese phrase in an email -

“前世的五百次回眸才换来今生的擦肩而过”

"Qian Shi De Wu Bai Ci Hui Mou Cai Huan Lai Jin Sheng De Ca Jian Er Guo"

Literal Translation : It takes 500 instances of eye contact in the previous lives to exchange for the fate to cross each other's paths this present life.

In Buddhism, we learned that the people we meet this life, we would have known them in our previous lives. We had worked hard to acquire this amount of closeness with them, accumulating our fate with them through each life till we reach this stage. And yes, it will continue onto our next lives.

Just imagine, if the above saying holds true, we need to have like 500 times of so-called eye contact previously just to become "passers-by" today?

Think of it, our parents, our loved ones, our friends, what a long way we have come...

It just makes me want to cherish all those around me even more, for all these relationship don't come easy.

So to all my loved ones and friends, I cherish my relationship with you, and I'm glad to have known you. If we are not so close this time round, we will be next life, it will just get better. Please stay healthy and happy this life, next life, and next next next lives...

Enemy Spotted!!

I think I saw what I think it is.. my greatest enemy of all times.. it might be small and look slightly different from its cousins in Asia, it nevertheless still has the most disgusting features of all living things.. Struggled for 2 days before deciding to write about it in my post. Maybe I'll delete off this post after some time. Loathe the idea of having the slightest connection with it.

I saw it when I was watering my plants on Tuesday. It was there beside one of the pots. I had to take a second look because I wasn't prepared to seeing it here. Yes I got to know from the movies that they do exist here in America, but I always thought that with the extreme climate of the city, it will be hard to see them around.

To think that I was so happy that we are coming here and I will be living a life without these pests for the next 3 years or so, like the times in UK, but only to have my happiness cut short.. Now I have to watch my step like what I always do on the streets of Singapore especially those dark damp alleys. Those who knows me know how acute my senses are towards the crawlers. I can even smell them if they are near. And I am seldom wrong in that sense.

How did I get entwined in such a hateful relationship with this creature? I believe it is retribution. When I was young, about 5 years old, I wasn't scared of them at all. In fact, I used to torture them. Swing them around by their feelers (how I hate spelling out any word that is related to them). Scaring the neighbours' kids with them. And I don't remember washing my hands after that!! Those were the "gung-ho" days..

I didn't know what exactly happened. But suddenly I just started to fear them, to detest them. So much so that I do not even dare or want to touch/ see their picture or even just the spelling of the word. So now you understand why I still have not typed the word out? The word "Feelers" is in fact already toooo much for me. I typed it out for the sake of this post, if not, never in my life will I ever spell this word.

I have my "principles"/ "motto"/ "rules & regulation" (whatever you call them) concerning these creepers :

1. See One, Kill One!
Of course I won't do the killing myself. I would have fled by then. Will send a trust-worthy person who is determined enough to rack through the back of cupboards, underneath the tables to accomplish the mission.

2. Must Die!
I have to know that it is dead. Need confirmation that there is a corpse in the wastepaper basket.

3. Cannot be on the same ground as it is - Not within 100m radius or maybe more, depends on the situation. Must keep at least such a distance to maintain my sanity.

4. Every piece of clothing/ thing that comes into contact with them has to go. So when walking, I always watch where I go, in case I step onto their dead bodies. Cannot bear the feeling that it is underneath my foot. Will throw that pair of shoes away. Not kidding. I would slice a piece of my flesh off if possible, if I do come into skin contact with it. *Touchwood*

5. Do Not Try to fool around with me using these creatures thinking that it's funny. Else you'll never hear from me again. I mean it. Don't even try with the fake pieces/ their photos/ the word itself or "cute" cartoon pictures cos nothing about them is cute.

How much I abhor this pest? On a scale of 1 to 10? Out of the scale!!! It is worse than my fear for ghosts and spirits. At least ghosts probably understand and will keep a distance if I chant my prayers. These parasites don't. They just crawl and fly anywhere anyhow...

People think I'm crazy when I tell them this. Nobody seems to understand this phobia about these creepers, until one day, I met SL who feels the same way as I do. Boy, I was so happy that someone finally understands me. I feel that I'm no longer alone in this battle against the parasites. :)

Used to have this joke with her about the creature :

If a war breaks out, we become POW, the easiest and most effective way of torturing us will be to throw us into a cell full of these creatures. We will then commit suicide by biting our tongues.. that is the best way to die without coming into skin contact with those pests..

Score for the Day...

Finally finished sorting out the photos taken during the Chicago trip last weekend. Very satisfied with the performance of the Digital SLR. At least it is able to take some clear shots of the fishes in the otherwise murky waters in the Shedd Aquarium.

And experimented with Beef Hor Fun for dinner just now. Not up to expectation. Beef a bit too tough, gravy a bit too starchy. Well, won't be too hard on myself. It is anyway just my first experimentation. :p

Went to the driving range in the afternoon supposedly to have my lesson. To my relief, the coach had gone back for the day by the time I reached. At least, I can practice more on my own before going to him again. Don't want him to think that I really mean it when I say I have No-Ball-Sense. Managed to hit more balls this time round. Always looked stupid and can only laugh like an idiot when I do a full swing, only to have the ball still staring back at me. Can you imagine my look then? Embarrassed.. Idiotic.. Spastic..

Booked our trip to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon as well today. Looking forward to it, cos it's a wonder of the world and I can't wait to see it. I hope I can finish seeing all of the Wonders in this life.. or as many as possible la.. if it's too much to ask..

Hmmm... looks like it has been a fruitful day. Completed a few tasks.. so I give myself 7 out of 10 for my performance today... haha..

My First!

This post is a tribute to the following "my First(s)" :

1. First time making chicken pies all on my own i.e without any help;
2. First time using my new toy - Canon Digital Rebel xTI
3. First time loading pictures onto the PC, being the computer illiterate me..
4. And well, just to add on to the list, my First post for June 07!!! :p

May

Time flies. It is now May, already. Isn't Time an amazing thing? Scary at the same time. Helpless is the word to describe how I feel about Time.

May is a month where many occasions fall in. Firstly, it's the Labour's Day, where everyone gets to have their holiday, including Jannet. She will be going home soon on the 13th this month when her contract expires. Ma say she will get a part-time helper instead for the time being. She actually thinks that she can manage the housework herself. Seriously I have my doubts on that. Afterall, she is no longer young and she has not done housework for more than 20 years. Plus now, she has to look after Mr WangWang. He can be a handful with all his toys, hair and saliva all over the floor. Only Jannet can tahan him. She really dots on him. An emotional dog he is, he will miss her dearly when she's gone. We will all miss her cos she is one of the better helpers we have had. If we do find another helper, think the first criteria will be "must love dogs"!!

Then it's Mum-in-Law's birthday on the 5th. Just ordered flowers to be sent to her this coming Sunday. She loves flowers. Far East Flora and the nurseries nearby are her favourite haunts. Hopefully Yoong remembers to cook up some story to get her to stay home to receive it.

Then it's 8th May, the 12th death anniversary of my beloved dog, Baby. She was a cute little furry white mongrel who never ran. She bounced. I will always remember how she bounced towards us like a little ball each time she sees us. So obedient and faithful. A pity she died of a cough. But I guess she is the most lucky of all the 3 dogs we had. She was the only one who died with all of us around her. The other 2 were put down by people from the AVA. And none of us were with them during that time. They must be wondering where we were and they must be waiting for us to go save them. But we never did. I could never forgive myself for not being there for them then. Which was why I strongly objected to having another dog since then. But who knows, then comes Mr WangWang. No one asked for my opinions and they just brought him home. So I'm forced to accept a younger "brother". He is cute and very ferocious. Very intelligent and obedient, and Ma really treats him like a son. It's kinda weird cos Ma never liked animals. Those 3 dogs we had never had that kind of bonding with Ma, even though I must say, they are far more obedient than WW. But they just didn't seem to be able to get into Ma's good books. Maybe this is really "Yuan Fen" (Fate). WW and Ma bonded. And he definitely has a better life since he has powerful backing.

8th May is also the 12th death anniversary of Teresa Teng. Remembered hearing the news of her death while I was crying over Baby's body. Her voice is beautiful, and think no one in present time can beat her voice yet. Faye Wong is close if she sings "properly".

Then it's 27th May, the birthday of a guy I liked in primary school. I still remember cos he is the very first guy (or rather, boy) I have a crush on. He is from the "Gifted Programme", a smart fellow. We were in the same Chinese class. That time, all Primary 6 students were put into different Chinese classes according to our standard in the language. Therefore, there were a mixture of students in each Chinese class. It was the lesson I always looked forward to cos I get to meet my friends from other classes. We sat beside each other. But we never talked. Only squabble. War between the girls and boys. We got into trouble once cos we bullied him into tears, and he was the teacher's pet then. I remembered calling him after PSLE to apologize for everything we had done to him. But I was so nervous that I hung up immediately after saying sorry. He was in the midst of saying something like "oh it's ok..." I never got to hear the rest of the sentence. I never called back. Too frightened and shy. Later I got to know that the bunch of them all went to RI. Wonder how are they now. Sometimes, whenever I go see doctor or read the news, I always thought if I might bump into them or see their news. Well, they look like the type who will go into medicine or politics. But then again we might not even recognize each other now.

31st May is Pa's birthday. He is 60 this year already. Wonder what I should get for him this year. Maybe another red shirt. Auspicious colour. This year according the the Chinese astrology, not good for those born in the year of Pig. So Red may just do the trick of "Dang Zai", protect him from the bad things. I can never imagine anything bad happening to him. He is the most important man in my life. Yoong and my brother will take the second place. This feeling is sort of mutual between yoong and me. I will always be second place to his mum. I won't fight that. We sort of have an agreement on the following :

Q. If yoong's mum or dad (my parents-law) and me fall into water
Ans : He should save his parents first
(Vice versa for my case)

So by the time we celebrate Pa's birthday, we will be moving onto the second half of the year. Soon we will be discussing on plans for xmas and new year already. That's how fast Time goes. Blink Blink..

Truth, Honesty, Love...

Finally finished the book by Mr JB Jeyaretnam. Took me couple of months. Cos each time after reading, I need to soothe away the anger and injustice I felt before picking up the book again. The contents are heavy and dry (for someone like me who know nuts about law). However if one do continue on reading it, one will be able to gain an insight to the workings of the Government and what goes on in the Parliament. An insight that probably is untwisted and has never been published by the media.

I must say I feel ashamed of myself. Ashamed that when I saw Mr Jeyaretnam in Shenton Way some years back promoting his book, I simply walked past him just like the many office workers in the area, without even passing a glance in his direction, when in actual fact I already saw him from a distance. I just ignored him. To think that this very man, at that very moment, was helping us (people who didn't care a damn to the man standing there holding out his book to us) fight for our rights. The man who despite facing laughter and snigger each time he speaks in the Parliament, who despite lawsuits and all obstacles, continued to speak up for us Singaporeans, when it would have been safer and easier to keep silent.

Perhaps I am not in the position to say much, as myself, a true blue Singaporean has too much fear instilled in me since I came to know of my voting rights. Nevertheless, I'm glad I picked up this book after 4 years since its publication. I don't totally agree on everything in the book, however, am still happy that I have a chance to read it. And I'm glad to have this avenue for voicing my thoughts.

I love Singapore. And I'm always proud to tell people I'm from Singapore when I travel. A safe, clean and green country, ranking top in our airline, port, infrastructure etc. Watching the National Day Parade each year, listening to the National Anthem and songs of Singapore always make me tear. I know its silly, but I'm touched by those who put in so much effort to make the parade a success and those who took the time off to queue way in advance for the sake of celebrating the nation's birthday. I thank my god that I'm being reincarnated in this country.

However now I have to say, I'm disillusioned. I realised that I've been living in "suppression and injustice" (in my own context) for the nearly 30 years of my life, along with my fellow friends and family. The democracy which we since kids in school have learned does not seem what it is supposed to be afterall. I begin to wonder, is this how I deserved to be treated for all the love I have for the country? Is this what the people out there who love and contributed in their own parts to the country deserve? How come nobody speaks up?? Oh yes, I've forgotten, there isn't really such thing as "Freedom of Speech". Isn't that ironic for a country who boasts of being world-class and democratic? But the worse part is most of us, avoided those who stood firm for us, those who dared to speak up for us, like plague. And I am ashamed of that. I am ashamed that I was one of these people.

It is scary that everyone just seemed to accept things as they are, and as time goes by, this fake democracy has slowly and very subtly crept into our lives. Truth has been twisted. We have been blinded by all the praises of how world-class our country is that we failed to look inner and question "what about the people?" "are we truly happy?" "do we have a voice?" "do we have a say in our country's future?" Have we forgotten how to question? Or is it just fear?

My heart goes out to those who are still ignorant of this, for much has been done to mask the truth. And for those who know, I share your thoughts that in this current situation, there isn't much we can do. One thing, however I think I can do, the next time if I do see Mr JB Jeyaretnam on the street, I will go up to him, shake his hands and thank him for all he has done for us.

It is a beautiful day today. So I'm not going to harp on this subject in case it fouls my mood. Will be going for a swim and sauna to celebrate the good weather.

And SY, I don't have Chinese MTV here. I chanced upon this MTV website. It is where I found the SHE MTV. I posted the link of the MTV in the blog. Do go watch the MTV if you have time. It always manage to wet my eyes each time and sets me thinking how great love can be.

Gandhi said :
"When I despair, I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always."

Love...

Was re-watching the "I Love You" MTV of S.H.E. Very touched by the love shown in there. Actually, who has a greater love? The one who waits.. or the one who let go..

First Entry

Typing the first sentence of my first blog... feels weird.. not sure what I can write.. or if I can write.
Nevertheless, since I've promised my friends back home to start on this, I'd better.
So guys.. this first entry is for you. Hope there are more to come..

*pause*.... need to warm up a bit as the CPU in my head has been on leave since 28 Feb 07.

Where shall I start? Let's begin with the phone call this morning. It feels good to be talking to my dear dear friends back home. Wish its December soon and I can go home and see them.

Well, they've been telling me I should buck up a bit and try to do some additional cleaning.. like the balcony for example.. Haha.. It makes me feel sort of guilty. I guess I have not yet accustomed to the term "housewife" being placed on me. It makes me cringe. Me, of all people, a housewife!!!

Which is why I still grumble when I have to do the washing up after cooking. As far as I know, the International Standard Rule for Cooking is, if you are the cook, you don't have to wash up. Diners are washers, unless you are a guest. But guess that doesn't apply where housewives are concerned. My JD states " cooking, washing, ironing, grocery shopping, finance and admin matters, wifely duties (you know what I mean) misc misc.."

Oops, it seems that I'm complaining. Don't get me wrong my dear hubby if you happened to read this. Not complaining. Just need to get used to my life now.

That day yoongie asked if I think I'm fortunate. I know I am. I always count my blessings and always am grateful for what has been given. Yet, I ponder, how long will this good fortune last? For those who believe in Buddhism, they say these are merits which I've reaped. But how do I know how much merits have I? Do I have enough to last a lifetime? Any monthly statements? I fear I'll use them up before I die. I fear the saying "Xian Tian Hou Ku". So I wonder if I can ask my god up there, are You splurging on me now? If You are, please don't.. Save them up for the later part of my life.. or if You can, please share them with the less fortunate, cos that will make me feel better...